BITAM - A LITTLE TOWN IN NORTHERN GABON , CENTRAL AFRICA . THAT WAS WHERE I CAME INTO THE WORLD A LITTLE OVER THIRTY DRY SEASONS AGO ...

[Frame]
FROM A BIG FAMILY . MY FATHER , THE HEAD OF THE VILLAGE OF EBORO , HAD MORE THAN 10 WIVES .

Village Crowd: A REAL POLYGAMIST!

Man: ZIP IT , CHICKIES !

[Frame]

IT WASN'T EASY TO PLEASE EVERYONE .

Man: MMMM ... A LIL WHOOPEE EVERY MONDAY WITH WIFE # 1 . WITH WIFE # 2 , EVERY ... WITH WIFE # 5 , EVERY MAN OH MANI

Dog: A COMPLICATED AFFAIR!

THE WIVES GOT ALONG JUST GREAT LIVING WITH ONE ANOTHER .

Wife 1: CAN I BELIEVE MY EYES ? MY MORTAR ? LITTLE MISS CHATTERBOX IS USING MY MORTAR ? I THIEFI

Wife 2: THAT WILD WOMAN'S GONNA GET A PESTLE IN THE FACE .

ONE THING WE WERE CRAZY ABOUT : GOING TO BITAM'S TINY AIRSTRIP AND WAITING ..

Kid 1: YOU SURE IT'S COMING ?

Kid 2: EHI!

Kid 3: THERE IT IS!

[Frame]
..FOR THE FOKKER F28 TO LAND . MAN , WE LOVED THAT PLANE ! IT WAS A SIGHT TO SEE .

All 3 kids: 000000H

[Frame]
THERE WAS ALWAYS A BIG PARTY WHEN THE PLANE ARRIVED . GROWNUPS FLOCKED TO WELCOME FAMILY HERE A BROTHER , THERE AN AUNT - BACK FROM LIBRE VILLE AND LOADED WITH PRESENTS!

Sign: WELCOMING COMMITTEE AND FAN CLUB FOR OUR CHILD RETURNING FROM FAR , FAR ( 4 AWAY ( WITH OUR PRESENTS )

[Frame]
PASSENGERS GETTING OFF WERE DRESSED TO THE NINES . THEY HAD TO SHOW THEY WERE COMING BACK FROM FAR AWAY , A SUIT AND TIE WERE MUSTS - EVEN IN THE SWELTERING HEATI " PASSENGERS ARE REQUESTED TO LOITER AT THE HEAD OF THE STAIRS SO THAT EVERYONE CAN GET A GOOD LOOK . "

Passengers: MY TURN ! MOVE

[Frame]
THE PILOTS WOWED US WITH THEIR UNIFORMS AND SUNGLASSES . THEY'D COME DOWN FOR A SMOKE . WE WERE SURE WHATEVER THEY WERE SAYING WAS REALLY EXCITING

Pilots: HOT ENOUGH FOR YA ? STINKIN COUNTRY .

[Frame]
THE PLANE TOOK OFF - AND IMAGINATIONS WITH IT .

Kid 1: SEE THAT ? THE PILOT WAVED AT ME !
Kid 2: HE WINKED AT ME!
Kid 3: HE HE GAVE ME HIS NUMBER !

[Frame]
Kid 1: ONE DAY I'LL FLY AWAYI TO FRANCE ?
Kid 2: IN YOUR DREAMS , SUCKER .

WE WENT NUTS OVER THE MAGAZINES MY SISTER ROSE BROUGHT BACK FROM FRANCE . THE CATALOGUE FROM LA REDOUTE , WITH ITS CHRISTMAS TOYS ,DROVE US WILD

Kid 1: ALL THE TOYS ON THIS PAGE ARE MINE !

Kid 2: NO , MINE
Kid 3: BACK OFF !
Kid 4: MINE !

[Frame]
DITTO WITH THE LADIES !

Kid 4: WHITE LADIES SURE ARE PRETTY !

Kid 1: DAMN

Magazine under photo: 175 F
Kid 1: -THAT WHITE LADY SURE IS CHEAP

[Frame]


I THOUGHT THE WOMEN WERE FOR SALE . DUMBASS ! THE GROWNUPS KNEW TONS OF STUFF ABOUT CHRISTMAS .

Grownup: DO I KNOW ABOUT SANTA ? L'IL SANTA , THE ONE WHO COMES DOWN FROM THE SKY WITH THOUSANDS OF TOYS ? YOU BET ! HE'S JESUS UNCLE . HIS JOB IS TO GO AROUND ALL THE VILLAGES GIVING PRESENTS TO THE KIDS .

Kid 1: WOW

Kids: WHO'S JESUS

[Frame]
Grownup: JESUS ? HE'S A GREAT WIZARD WITH MIGHTY GRISGRIS THAT LET HIM WALK ON WATER AND NOT CRY WHEN YOU HIT HIM . WITH HIS VOODOO POWERS , HE TURNS BEER TO LEMONADE .

Kid 4: COOL !

Grownup: IT GETS BETTER IF YOU KILL HIM , HE WONT DIE AND COMES BACK THREE DAYS LATER

Kid 1: ITS - IT'S WHITE MAGIC !

[Frame]
ONE DAY I WAS FLIPPING THROUGH A BOOK .

Kid: mmm LOOK AT THAT BIG NEEDLE !

[Frame]
Mom: THAT'S NO NEEDLE , THAT'S THE EIFFEL TOWER - A MONUMENT .
WHO WANTS BANANA FRITTERS ?

Kid 2: HEY , WILL YOU TAKE ME TO SEE IT SOMEDAY ?

Mom: SURE . HOW'S TO MORROW ?

Kids: WE'RE GOING TO FRANCE !

IT HAD BEEN ALMOST AN HOUR SINCE THE BOEING 747 JUMBO JET HAD TAKEN OFF FROM LIBREVILLE FOR PARIS ,

OUTSIDE THE WINDOW , MY LAST MOMENTS IN GABON FLASHED BEFORE MY EYES .

MY MOM , PACKING MY SUITCASE ... IN THIS OUTFIT

Kid 2: -I LOOK LIKE THE MICHELIN MAN !

Mom: IT'S ALL THE RAGE IN PARIS !

[Frame]
SAYING GOODBYE TO MY FRIENDS SEND ME ALL THE TOYS ON MY LIST .

Kids:MY LIST !
Kids: MINE TOO !
Kids: MY LIST OF TOYS

lists:
CAR hORSE
-BIKE
-PLANE
-GUN
-FIGURE

[Frame]
MY MOM IN TEARS AT THE AIRPORT DURING BOARDING ...

THE FIRST DAY OF FIRST GRADE

Gold plaque: GRANDMONT ELEMENTARY

[Frame]
MY SCHOOL WAS RIGHT AROUND THE BLOCK WHEN MY SISTER LEFT , I WAS ALONE WITH THE TEACHER ,

Teacher: I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE OUR NEW FRIEND FROM GABON THAT'S IN AFRICA !

[Frame]
MOST OF THOSE WART HOGS HAD NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON BEFORE

Students: HE'S ALL BLACK !

[Frame]
SO AT RECESS THEY TOLD TALL TALES AND DIRTY JOKES ABOUT ME .
Kids:
-WE SAY BLACKS NEGROES
-SAVAGES TARZAN
-MY MOM SAID THEY'VE GOT HUGE WIENERS
-CANNIBALS

[Frame]
THEY HAD SOME PRETTY DUMB SONGS IN FRANCE .

Students singing: MADAME MICHEL LOST HER CAT ... HELLO OWL ! HELLO OWL ! PEEKABOO PEEKABOO PEEKABOO .

[Frame]
IN CLASS , THEY OFTEN MADE US WRITE A SHORT REPORT ON SOMETHING MEMORABLE . THEN WE'D COPY THESE ALL DOWN IN OUR NOTEBOOKS , I WAS THE STAR THAT DAY , I SHOWED MY SISTER MY NOTEBOOK THAT NIGHT .

Sister reading: THERE'S A NEW STUDENT IN CLASS . HE'S BLACK AND COMES FROM GABON , IN AFRICA , HE HAS SOFT HAIR , LIKE A CARPET HMM ...

Kid: THEY'RE PRETTY OBSESSED ABOUT IT .

[Frame]
THE TEACHER TALKED A LOT OF NONSENSE , TAKE SANTA FOR INSTANCE :

Teacher: SOON IT'LL BE CHRISTMAS TIME . YOU MUST BE GOOD , FOR AS ALWAYS , SANTA WILL BRING GIFTS TO GOOD CHILDREN IN EVERY COUNTRY OF THE WORLD . Oui ?

[Frame]
Kid: MA'AM , THAT'S A BUNCH OF BULL . WHY HAVEN'T WE EVER SEEN YOUR SANTA IN GABON ? ARE AFRICAN KIDS ALL BAD ?

[Frame]
SHE NEVER ANSWERED ME . ONE DAY , I SAW SANTA ... AT A DEPARTMENT STORE ! HE MUST'VE BEEN BORED BECAUSE HE WAS POSING FOR PHOTOS WITH KIDS . HE WAS WEIRD . HE'D LOST WEIGHT AND WAS DRIPPING SWEAT . THE WEATHER , NO DOUBT

Sign: TAKE A PHOTO WITH SANTA

Photographer: CHEESE !

[Frame]
SOMETHING UNBELIEVABLE HAPPENED . THE KID ON SANTA'S LAP PULLED ON HIS BEARD , AND IT CAME OFF ! IT WAS FAKE ! SANTA SLAPPED HIM AND SAID:

Santa: GIVE THAT BACK , YOU LITTLE JERK

EVER SINCE THEN , I'VE KNOWN THERE WAS SUCH A THING AS ... BAD SANTA!

PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS WERE HELD . PEOPLE WENT AND VOTED . THEY HAD MANY CHOICES : BONGO WAS THE ONLY CANDIDATE . THAT NIGHT , A GUY ON TV SAID :

MINISTER OF COMMUNICATION

MINISTER OF COMMUNICATION: THE GREAT FRIEND , ELECTED WITH 99.9 % OF THE VOTE ! ALL HAIL PERIOD.

[Frame]
PONE DAY SOME FOLKS - ARROGANT , THE DEFENSE MINISTER CALLED THEM - DARED TO CREATE ANOTHER PARTY . THE ARMY ARRESTED THEM .

Militia Man: BOSS THINKS WHAT YOU WROTE ABOUT HIS MUSTACHE IS A NATIONAL , SECURITY THREAT

[Frame]
SO MUCH FOR THE HISTORY LESSON . BACK FROM FRANCE , WE LIVED IN PUBLIC HOUSING SOUTH OF LIBREVILLE .

[Frame]
THERE WAS A SCHOOL NEARBY . I WAS ENROLLED .

Sign: OWENDO PUBLIC SCHOOL

[Frame]
AH , PUBLIC SCHOOL IN GABON ! WHAT MEMORIES ! I HAD IT ROUGH . I TOOK IT ON THE CHIN RIGHT FROM THE START . EVERYONE KNEW I'D JUST COME BACK FROM FRANCE . LIKE ANY GOOD TEACHER , MINE REALLY HELPED ME FIT IN .

Teacher: HEH HEH
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO OUR LITTLE MR . FRENCHY GABON .

Students: WHITEY WHITEY WHITEY WHITEY WHITEY WHITEY

Students: WHITEY WHITEY

{AH AH}

BUT SOON THINGS GOT BETTER ,

[Frame]
I'D MADE A SIMPLE DEAL . I PROMISED THE BIG GUY NEXT TO ME I'D LET HIM RIDE A FEW TIMES A WEEK ON THE BIKE I'D BROUGHT BACK FROM FRANCE . HE SAID OK .

[Frame]
AT SCHOOL , KIDS FOUGHT AT THE DROP OF A HAT . I WAS A LITTLE WUSS WITH A BIG MOUTH .

Voice off Frame: WHAT'S UP , WHITEY ?

[Frame]


I DIDN'T LIKE THAT STUPID NAME . EVERYONE CALLED ME THAT , BECAUSE OF MY FRENCHIFIED ACCENT . THEY SAID MY WORDS CAME OUT GARBLED .

Kid: THAT'S NOT MY UH - NAME , UH

Kids: WHITEY ! WHITEY ! WHITEY !

[Frame]
Big Kid: AWW - L'IL WHITEY UNHAPPY ?
WHAT'S HE GONNA DO ABOUT IT ?

Kid: PLAY YOU AT DOZENS !

[Frame]
THE DOZENS ! A BADASS GAME WHERE THE POINT WAS TO HURL THE MOST ABUSE YOU COULD AT YOUR OPPONENT IN RECORD TIME . YOU HAD TO STAY CALM . YOU DREW TO SEE WHO'D START FIRST .

Big Kid:
-A BOEING 747 COULD FIT UP YOUR BUTT NO PROBLEM .
-YOU'RE UGLIER THAN DEATH .
-YOU SMELL LIKE POOP .
- You FART ALL THE TIME.

[Frame]
THE BIG CROWD THAT ALWAYS GATHERED PICKED THE WINNER WITH THEIR CHEERS . THE DIRTIER YOUR INSULTS , THE MORE THE CROWD LIKED YOU . YOUR SCORE WENT UP . I WAS UP AGAINST A REAL BEGINNER .

Big Kid: UH - YOU CAN'T READ ! YOU
Kid: OK , TIME !
Crowd Kid: 30 POINTS .
Other Kid: YOUR TURN , WHITEY !
Kids: HEE HEE HEE

I K.O.ED MY OPPONENT WITH JUST TWO INSULTS .

Crowd of Kids:
GO , WHITEY !
HEE HEE!

Kid: YO ' MOMMA'S A HO .
YO ' POPPA'S GAY AND YOU'RE A SON OF A BITCH !

Crowd of Kids: WHITEY WHITEY ! WHITEY !

[Frame]
THE DOZENS DIDN'T WORK WITH EVERYONE . ONE GUY JUST SAID HE'D POUND MY FACE IN AFTER CLASS . I WAS SCARED TO DEATH - AND NO ONE WAS OFFERING TO HELP , DESPITE EFFORTS TO STRIKE A DEAL .

Guy: I WOULDN'T HELP YOU EVEN IF YOU LENT ME YOUR CRAPPY BIKE FOR A YEAR . YOU'VE GOT A BIG MOUTH . I WANT TO SEE HOW YOU FIGHT .

[Frame]
I HAD ONLY ONE CHOICE LEFT : GO AND TELL THE TEACHER EVERYTHING , SO HE COULD PUT A STOP TO THE SLAUGHTER ,

Teacher: CAN'T DO IT ! I BET TWO BEERS ON YOU .

[Frame]
WHAT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN HAPPENED

Kid: FOR THE LAST TIME , I'M BEGGING YOU TO GO EAAASY ...

[Frame]
I'D NEVER BEEN SO ASHAMED IN MY LIFE AS I WAS GOING HOME . I'D GOTTEN MY FACE REARRANGED A FEW TIMES .

Dog: WOOF

Kid: SHUT UP !

[Frame]
THE ATMOSPHERE IN CLASS , THE TEACHER AND THE STICK HE HIT US WITH , THE FIGHTS AFTER SCHOOL ALL THESE TOOK THEIR TOLL , OF COURSE , ON MY GRADES . NOTHING WAS GOING RIGHT , MY PARENTS SAW ( A BIT LATE ) , THAT I WAS HAVING A HARD TIME ADAPTING TO LIFE BACK IN GABON ,

{ow}
math book
{OUCH !}

Parent: TOMORROW , WE'RE SENDING YOU TO A NEW SCHOOL .