Archaeologist, my goodness! That’s a lofty word. But it is correct in principle; I actually am an archaeologist by profession. It’s just that today archaeology is something completely different. We no longer live in times when we have to uncover a fragile past with the utmost caution, gloved and with steady hands, with little brushes and spatula knives, and then decipher and put together the missing pieces of the puzzle through years of contemplation. Today no one knows what room for speculation is—there’s no more space for such things. Today facts oppress us. That’s why we archaeologists work on two different tracks nowadays, specializing as vanishers or divers. Vanishers ensure that the mountains of enduring relics of the past millennium won’t go flying and strike us dead during the next hurricane, and, above all, that we won’t end up buried underneath them. Needless to say, we catalog each artifact before we can make it vanish, that is, before we can reduce it to pure information. Divers specialize in diving into the mountains of trash piled thousands of yards high to detect and fish out special raw materials.

Our past is intrusive; as a know-it-all with its unshakeable facts, it downright overwhelms our present, and we find ourselves trapped. And on top of it all, people live in fear that the past could come crashing down on their heads at any moment. But today we must learn to live with this. We must create a new present for ourselves. We cannot simply leave this past behind us. We can only try to become a better past that knows when to vanish. That’s what inspired my partner and me to start this furniture business. He specializes as a vanisher and I as a diver. Thanks to our neo-archaeological specializations, and together with our team of scientists, we are able to create new cycles and rethink the past. We have to make room for a new present, but that requires a new awareness of the current present and the future. And we begin with this new lifestyle in the most intimate space—the home.

We hear three beeps from the wall next to us. The picture hanging there dematerializes with a strange squelching sound. A bubbly foam remains, crackling as it slowly dissolves. What remains after the foam dissolves is a tiny insect, which scurries across the wall to the window and vanishes through a crevice.

Yes, you see, my partner and I are already living with the whole range of prototypes that we’ve developed so far. Forget IKEA! Our VANISHÄVEN furniture system generates the new awareness that we need for a future on this planet.

What do I mean by this, you ask? . . . Let’s start with awareness. Exactly. That’s our philosophy, of course. Well, it begins when we admit that we’ve fallen for an illusion. Our senses, which are tied to the systems of the body, are sluggish, and that’s why we experience time and space at all. And the mind, which depends on our sensory impressions, also unfortunately seems to be sluggish because it interprets our biosphere incorrectly. It leads us to believe that we live in a stable, relatively unchanging environment, to which we bind ourselves and acclimate. Although we’ve understood that there are life cycles, including seasons and death, because we can perceive these changes, we barely notice the rest of this enormous dynamic. Incidentally, other living creatures don’t experience the environment much differently, but they don’t manufacture things. We subject our economies, indeed our supply chains, to this dynamic, but not our range of products. This is where our VANISHÄVEN furniture system comes in. These are the first dynamic home furnishings that won’t end up in landfills.

The cell phone beeps, and a baritone voice says: Hello, VANISHÄVEN friend. Your kitchen table has loyally served you and your favorite meals for twenty-one months. But in three months it will dematerialize. So please remember to buy a new kitchen table in time. Just take a look at VANISHÄVEN.com for your new favorite kitchen table. We are constantly updating our range of products for you. You will receive another reminder message in one month.

 Of course it sucks when someone comes home tired from a long day of work to find that the sofa or bed has vanished into thin air because they forgot to reorder or because they ignored the warning messages or because they lack the funds to reorder right now. But what’s wrong with making yourself comfortable on the rug or in a chair for a few nights? VANISHÄVEN also helps us avoid getting too emotionally attached to things and enables us to remain flexible even in our private spaces. VANISHÄVEN helps us enjoy the moment with the piece of furniture and appreciate it as long as it is there, and then also to let go when it has to vanish, and delight in living with something new. It helps create a new awareness of a dynamic present. Indeed, you could even say it’s something like a mindfulness program.

 No, toilets and sinks are off-limits for us. We at VANISHÄVEN agree on this: a toilet that can dematerialize before any thought has been given to reordering and arranging for professional installation can lead to unintended hygiene problems. We could assume no liability for that.

VANISHÄVEN works quite simply. You order what you like, and we come to your home and assemble the pieces wherever you want them. All of our products are made from sustainable composite material that has been recycled from old materials, is stable and completely organic, and contains no toxic adhesives, foam, or fillers. The microorganisms used for dematerialization are already installed during the furniture assembly process. . . . No, we don’t see a vermin problem here. The microorganisms are attached to the product in a frozen state. A time control activates the defrosting process and the warning messages. . . . No, you can’t remove the microorganisms; you can’t identify them with the naked eye. I can’t reveal the exact makeup of the composite material. Even though we have patented it, this information is a trade secret. But thanks to my good nose and archaeological knowledge of trash mountains, we’ve stumbled upon numerous sources that will supply us with the necessary raw materials for well over the next decade. Only we at VANISHÄVEN have achieved the balance between profitability and sustainability. What does sustainable or profitable mean? Either you have one table for life, and that is unprofitable—sorry—and boring. Or you can buy a new table every two years, which leads to the bulk trash problem caused by conventional furnishings. Because that’s how we got these new Central European massifs, ever since we had to drastically reduce trash burning and avoid wasting any resource due to climate change policy considerations.

Shopping is a rush, virtually a human right, a true delight! Each person must be allowed to buy things when they feel the urge to do so. And they must not be harassed for it. No one has the right to spoil someone else’s spending spree with a guilt trip! We at VANISHÄVEN understand that. We have made spending sprees permissible and sustainable.

 . . . No, I don’t believe that the VANISHÄVEN customer gets less value for their money than a customer who shops at IKEA or West Elm or even Pottery Barn. What value are you really getting in the end when you spend money on a piece of furniture? You get two things: the physical performance of the object and your enjoyment of it, that is, the time during which you can consciously enjoy this physical performance. And this is where we have the clear advantage, even if that sounds paradoxical. With a conventional piece of furniture that exists indefinitely, the habituation phase kicks in very quickly. The object fades from your awareness because its continued presence is guaranteed. And that means a rapid loss of value. It’s similar with life partners. If you establish a fixed-term partnership, of course with the option of an extension, then you experience this relationship more consciously, and it becomes more valuable. With VANISHÄVEN there is no habituation effect, and that means having and perceiving a greater value.

No, accusations of fraud are unfounded. We guarantee the legally required period of twenty-four months. That’s how long the piece of furniture must last to ensure we’re not committing fraud in a legal sense.

 . . . Oh come on now, folks, I don’t like the word vermin! These microorganisms, which grow to become tiny beetle-like creatures, are nothing but cute household pets that you don’t even have to feed. They don’t bite or make a sound, and besides, they are in a cryogenic sleep. You should be getting upset about fruit flies or moths instead. . . . At the moment, we don’t yet know where these beetles scurry off to following the dematerialization process. We’re trying to produce them synthetically so that they can return to the nearest VANISHÄVEN factory. For now they just run off somewhere. No idea, into nature. . . . To the neighbor’s house? Well, hopefully not. They won’t do anything to you; they just have the munchies.

 Who assumes liability if the kitchen cupboard or living room cabinet has dematerialized, causing expensive dishes and glasses to break, you ask? Well, the consumer. . . We provide . . . we provide—please let me finish—we provide clear warning messages three months before dematerialization and the last warning on the day before, which is repeated one hour before and then again five minutes before vanishing. We have protected ourselves legally. Such negligence is not our financial responsibility.

With a squelching sound, the moderator’s chair dematerializes, and a beetle runs across the podium. The moderator falls haplessly on her rump; her high-pitched scream into the microphone still reverberates in the audience’s ears.

 Oh dear! Did you hurt yourself? Please, here, take my chair. I don’t understand it; we should have heard a warning message. I’ll notify our technical support team about this right away. Needless to say, we assume full responsibility; this should not have happened. Right now we’re still working on refining our measurements to guarantee more accurate moments of dematerialization, let’s put it that way. We at VANISHÄVEN are naturally honest enough to admit that nothing can be perfect from the start. New inventions must first stabilize, and people must learn to deal with that. We are continuously fine-tuning our furniture system to meet the needs of both people and the environment. A difficult undertaking, as you can imagine. Minor mishaps still occur. But that’s why you should still give VANISHÄVEN a chance so that it can continue to develop. It’s certainly unfortunate if someone has invited their mother-in-law over for dinner and, just as she sits down, the set dining table dematerializes without warning. We have set up an emergency hotline for such accidents. In these extremely rare cases, we of course compensate for the damage and send a cleaning team.

But here you can see the contradiction between our expectations for our environment and its true character and possibilities. The biosphere simply has its stability limits. And of course we have our thresholds of tolerance. But what the ecosystem can’t offer, the VANISHÄVEN furniture system can create. I’m quite sure of that.